As a family pastor, I have had the privilege of working with
couples whose marriages are in crisis. After 20 years of doing
this, I have learned six keys that can help keep relationships
out of trouble.
1 Healthy marriages require hard work to prevent “drift.” That
means the relationship is prioritized. It doesn’t mean the
kids, ministry, work or other activities are neglected, but the
couple takes the time necessary to ensure they are connected in
heart and mind. A healthy couple sets aside time to really communicate
and foster shared values and dreams.
2 Healthy marriages are based upon friendship. These spouses actually
like and enjoy one another and put effort into building a friendship.
They are not only lovers, but best friends.
3 Healthy marriages are those where couples still play together
even years into the relationship. They cultivate experiences where
they can relax, laugh and have fun with one another. Oftentimes
this fun is very spontaneous.
4 Healthy marriages are based upon God’s call to love and
respect. The husband creates an atmosphere in which his wife knows
beyond a shadow of a doubt that she is loved. He knows her well
enough to provide an environment in which she can flourish spiritually,
emotionally, physically and intellectually. At the same time, the
wife shows her husband respect, gently handling the truths she
knows about him. She values him as a man while being aware of his
weaknesses and vulnerabilities She believes in him and encourages
him as they grow together.
5 Healthy marriages are intentional. Such couples have resolutely
made up their minds to have a good marriage. They understand hard
times come along the way, but both are confident in the knowledge
that their partner will stick with them. They know that their marriage
is not built upon feelings that come and go, but on a solid commitment.
6 Healthy marriages are centered on God. The couple understands
that God is the third partner of the relationship. They realize
that as they encourage each other to grow closer to the Lord, they
will grow closer to one another. They follow God in their own unique
ways while building their lives together.
